The Secrets of Emotional Abuse Recovery for Women

Emotional abuse doesn't stop the day you walk away from an emotionally abusive partner. Unfortunately, it will probably continue to affect you long after your abusive partner has become history, unless you discover what emotional abuse really is and how best to overcome it.

Emotional abuse is any judgement, from any source, humiliates, undermines and paralyses you. People have a right to pass comment on errors you have made. They are never justified in suggesting that the errors you have made undermines your human worth.

Domestic Violence

Emotional abuse keeps you focused on the past; and seeing the future only through the negative perspective of the abusive relationship. When you're in an emotionally abusive relationship, your partner will always remind you of everything you have ever done wrong - and visit on you their prediction that you will never change for the better.

The Secrets of Emotional Abuse Recovery for Women

How does your partner know this? Actually, they don't. It's only their opinion.

Emotional abuse brainwashes you into taking whatever bad things your partner says about you as gospel. If they can be so sure, when you are feeling so confused and undermined, then they must be right. In fact, they sound so certain because they are heavily invested in what they're saying. They need you to believe it so they can maintain their power over you.

You can't be sure whether what your partner says 'counts' as abuse or not. After all, he doesn't hit you; he's just telling it like it is. Maybe, it's just you being too sensitive, or too demanding, or too unreasonable. That's what he tells you. So you end up worrying: "Is it? Isn't it?" Because you'll only feel 100% justified in taking a firm stand, if you are absolutely sure, and it's so hard to be sure with words.

In fact, if his words make you feel small, worthless or humiliated, and he doesn't respect or consider how you feel, that is abusive. More important, it is unacceptable. Hurting your feelings, or being careless of your feelings, however you choose to see it, is unacceptable. Period.

Until you become adept at recognising verbal and emotional abuse you will continue to suffer it in your life. Because you will continue to let friends, acquaintances and even strangers behave in ways that are either hurtful or careless of your feelings.

You will visit other people's abusive judgements on yourself, until you discover how to identify them and get rid of them once and for all. Worse still, you'll confuse abuse with 'being realistic'. If ever you find yourself thinking: "They can do things, because it's different for them, they're not as hopeless and useless as I am", that is an abusive judgement. Any assessment you make about yourself that denies your ability to create good relationships and a good life for yourself is abusive - and wrong.

How can you possibly know what the future holds? After all, if you had had the gift of foresight, you wouldn't have got involved with your abusive partner in the first place, would you?

So how do you 'do' emotional abuse recovery?

1) Understand that change is inevitable and that you have the power to make all the changes you want and need. Sure, you may not be able to make them right now, because you may not even know exactly what you want and need. What you can do, is start making one or two small changes and maybe add a few others as you go along; maybe adding a little self-care into your daily routine.

The psychological burden of an abusive relationship is actually like a massive boulder. You can't push it away, but a few small changes act like putting a plank under it. The leverage you'll gain will allow you to roll that boulder away, faster than you might think possible.

2) Start to reprogram your mind. You can wait until things get better to start believing that they will; or you can fast-track your recovery by starting to believe in and look for improvements. Whatever you look for, you will see. Whether your glass is half-full or half-empty, it's still the same glass and the same volume of liquid. The only difference is how you'll feel about it. How do you want to feel?

3) Get support. You can find support from a refuge, from a group for survivors of domestic violence - and make no mistake emotional abuse is domestic violence - from a counsellor, coach or other professional who understands how you have been affected by emotional abuse.

4) Get information. Not only will you find out that you're not the only one to fall for an abusive partner, you'll see that all abusive partners are clones. Some hit, some don't, but they all behave in much the same way; they all say pretty much the same cruel things. You'll soon start to realize that, since they all work from the same script, what they say is not about you, it's actually about them.

5) Start to count your blessings. Yes, you've been through totally undeserved pain and misery and no doubt you are still hurting, but you have a choice. You can focus on the pain, or you can start to focus on what you have to celebrate. Bear in mind that what you focus on multiplies.

Consciously make time in your day, maybe last thing at night, to celebrate your health, your children's health, a child's smile, any good thing that has happened in your day, a kindness shown to you, the sunshine, the beauty of a flower. If you commit to celebrating 10 blessings in a day, then you'll have to look for them. Once you make a habit of looking for them, you will surely find 10, and more.

Is that it? It's certainly a very good start. Everything suggested in this article will move you on from your hurt, victim mind-set and into an awareness both of your own worth and of all that there is for you to look forward to. The journey of recovery from emotional abuse is the journey from fear, shame, and powerlessness into joyful belief in yourself and the world. You don't know what the future holds, but rest assured that there it will be far, far happier than you can imagine right now.

(C) 2006 Annie Kaszina

The Secrets of Emotional Abuse Recovery for Women

Annie Kaszina Ph D, is a coach and writer who has helped hundreds of women to rebuild their confidence and their life after an abusive relationship. Annie is the author of "The Woman You Want To Be". This ebook will teach you how you can love yourself first, so that you can create strong self-belief and build the fulfilling future you're looking for on firm foundations.

To find out more and sign up to Annie's free bi-monthly ezine visit http://www.EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com You can email Annie at: annie@EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com

Feel free to reprint this article on your website or in your ezine, just include the resource box.

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Probation Violations: What Can Happen To You

The purpose of probation is to test the criminal's behaviors and their ability to become active members of the society once again. When an offender is on probation, they are ordered to follow specific conditions that were set forth by the court, often times under the supervision of a probation officer.

Common conditions of probation would prohibit the offender from owning or using a firearm, they may have to abide by a curfew, they may have to remain actively employed, and they may be ordered to live at a specific location. They will usually be told to follow any orders made by their probation officer and this may include not leaving the jurisdiction and it can involve not having any contact with their victims (as in a domestic violence case).

Domestic Violence

They may also be prohibited from contacting any co-defendant or known criminals, they may be prohibited from drinking alcoholic beverages, prohibited from committing any further crimes and they may be forced to submit to a series of alcohol/drug tests, participate in drug, alcohol or psychological treatment and perform community service.

Probation Violations: What Can Happen To You

A defendant may get probation after they have completed a jail sentence, or they may get probation in lieu of serving time in jail. However, either way, probation is typically a component of a defendant's criminal sentence in California. There are two types of probation and they are:

· Formal Probation

· Informal Probation

With formal probation, the defendant is required to meet with their assigned probation officer on a regular basis, typically once a month. With informal probation, or summary probation, the defendant is required to meet certain conditions of their sentence and they are not required to meet with a probation officer under informal or summary probation. Probation typically lasts for three years; however, it can vary depending on the circumstances of the case.

When a term of probation is violated, it's no laughing matter. The penalties will vary depending on what occurred; however, a violation can mean a one way trip back to jail or the defendant's sentence can be reinstated. After a probation violation, an arrest can follow shortly afterwards. What happens next will depend on your San Diego criminal defense attorney as well as your history. When deciding how to punish you, the judge will consider if you have any prior probation violations, the nature of the violation, any new criminal activity committed by you, any aggravating or mitigating circumstances and the seriousness of the probation violation.

Not all probation violations are within your control. You might have been at somebody's house when the police were called, or an angry partner might have called the police on you with the intention of sending you back to jail even if you did nothing wrong. On the other hand, you may have accidentally violated a restraining order. Probation terms vary from person to person and so do the reasons for probation violations. If you had a perfectly valid reason or excuse for your violation, it will take a skillful attorney to present a convincing argument on your behalf. Otherwise, the judge can find you guilty and send you back to jail.

A probation violation can result in heavy fines, jail time and extended probation. If you violated your probation, it would be in your best interests to discuss your matter with an attorney as soon as possible. An experienced lawyer will know how to present your case in front of the prosecutor and the judge in a light that is more favorable to you. When your future is on the line, you need to do what you can to keep yourself out of jail and in the community where you belong.

Probation Violations: What Can Happen To You

The Law Offices of Aaron T. Hicks is a criminal defense firm located in San Diego, California. Their firm has effectively helped clients with all types of criminal charges in the San Diego area including: DUI, drug crimes, internet crimes, theft crimes, three strikes cases, weapons offenses, white collar crimes as well as violent crimes and appeals. Should you go with their firm, they will search for any mitigating circumstances that may get your charges reduced or dropped. What's more, they will question every aspect of your case, including law enforcement's procedure, collection of evidence and witness testimony. They care about the outcome of your case and they will fight tooth and nail on your behalf. To contact a San Diego criminal defense attorney at the firm call (619) 519-7400 today or visit the firm's website at http://www.SanDiegoCriminalDefenseFirm.com.

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Crazy Making and Domestic Violence - 3 Kinds of Crazy Making Behavior

What is crazy making? We hear about it; we stumble upon it; we are subjected to it; and we even do it to others. But what is it? And how do you know it when you see it? 

Most often when we use the term "crazy making," we're referring to the conduct of someone that does just that-his or her behavior makes you crazy. You know it's the goofy things that people do that make you "nuts." Thus, the term "crazy making." 

Domestic Violence

Did you know there are actually three kinds of this form of psychological abuse? 

Crazy Making and Domestic Violence - 3 Kinds of Crazy Making Behavior

Innocent Crazy Making  

Now sometimes this behavior can be one's innocent human idiosyncrasies, like the way some people squeeze their toothpaste tube. It's the personal quirks that can be crazy-making to other individuals.

Malicious  Mental Abuse

Or, it can be malicious behaviors intended to confuse you, as in the case of "gas-lighting." That is telling you something or doing something to make you think things are different from the way you intuitively know them to be. 

Abusers are very good at this malicious form of mental abuse. It's as though they enjoy casting doubt amidst your clarity. My patients and newsletter readers frequently tell me how their abusive partners tell them they are crazy at the very time in which they are most sound. Or, they tell them that situations are different from the way they see or know them to be even when they are most certain. 

Cruel, Heinous Crazy Making 

Now there is another form of mental psychological abuse that has the exact same intention, but far more serious consequences. If you have read my writing you know what's coming. It's the crazy making that is more literal. 

It's the crazy making in which I tell you, you are psychiatrically and certifiably crazy. And to substantiate my allegations, I secure the opinion of an expert crazy diagnostician: a psychologist or psychiatrist. Thus, I officially make you crazy. 

Now if you are a domestic violence survivor, who is in combat with an abuser using the healthcare and legal system to discredit or silence you and your victimization, you know this strategy. 

The most important thing you can do for yourself and your children is to make sure you do not step into the crazy shoes because if you do, you will be wearing the crazy hat for the rest of your life.

Crazy Making and Domestic Violence - 3 Kinds of Crazy Making Behavior

You can learn how to block legal-psychiatric ploys and stop the crazy making before it defines and devastates you indefinitely. To learn more about Crazy Making Legal-Psychiatric Abuse: Signs and Prevention, visit http://www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps battered women and abused men to recognize and end crazy making legal abuse. Copyright 2009 Jeanne King, Ph.D.

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Popular Travel Destinations: Spain

Spain is often recognized as the single greatest historical museum in the open, surrounded by beautiful beaches and resort areas, perhaps the best in Europe. Also a true miracle of nature in terms of animal species variety and the beauty of its landscapes, Spain is a perfect place for aesthetic recreation away from city bustle.

Spain is a country with glorious history. The most ancient monuments of culture in Spain belong to the Paleolithic period. These are rock paintings on the cave walls of Altamira. The architecture of the Iberians is represented by the ruins of the gigantic stone walls in Tarragona. The Romans left mainly civil constructions in Spain, such as water mains, bridges, aqueducts, amphitheatres, and arches. One of the Roman bridges, the Alcantara River Tagus, is perfectly preserved. This bridge features six arches with the middle one being a triumphal arch. The ruins of the Roman amphitheater for 6,000 spectators in Merida and Sagunto are simply majestic. Also, there are ancient arches in Medisaneli and Bar built in 107-102 BC.

The Arabs exerted a great influence on medieval Spanish art and architecture. The Alhambra palace-fortress in Granada, the Mosque of Cordoba, La Giralda minaret in Seville are world-famous tourist destinations. Alhambra is the palace-fortress of the 13th century, a fine example of Muslim architecture. Depending on the light, its walls and towers change color during the day. Especially beautiful is the Lions courtyard, surrounded by columns of white marble. In the courtyard, there is a fountain, with its huge marble bowl resting on 12 lions. In the palace, there are some great halls, including the Hall of Ambassadors; the Royal Hall with gold lace arches resembling stalactites, the Hall of Secrets with amazing acoustic effects.

The Mosque Cathedral of Cordoba is the largest mosque in the world, second to the famous Kaaba in Mecca. With its 19 aisles with 32 arches, it occupies a large area. Moreover, it is a double monument since it combines a mosque and a cathedral. In 1236, after the city had been captured by the Christians and the Muslims had fled to North Africa, King Ferdinand III ordered to turn the mosque into a Christian church, and the minaret was transformed into a bell tower.

Numerous medieval castles, Paradors, have survived in Spain. They are usually located in the quiet corners and provide excellent opportunities for leisure and for work. Now they form a complex of buildings that combine strict architectural lines with modern interiors and provide a swimming pool, tennis courts, and gyms.

Madrid, the capital of Spain, is famous for its Prado National Museum of painting and sculpture, the museums of Modern Art and Natural Sciences, Archaeological and Ethnographic museums. Tourists will be thrilled to see the Royal Palace of the 18th century and Sabatini gardens, the Church of San Francisco el Grande, Buena Petiro Park, and the Zoo.

Barcelona is another major tourist destination which attracts tourists with its Marine and Archaeological Museums, the Cathedral of the Holy Family, the Museum of Catalan Art and Pablo Picasso, the Montjuic Castle, and the Church of San Pablo del Campo.

Zaragoza is famous for the residence of the Aragonese kings of Castillo de la Alyaferis. Toledo will help you to get acquainted with the architecture of the Moorish period, including the Alcazar castle, Gothic church of San Juan Delos Reyes, and Square Plaza del Zoko.

Spanish tourism industry is widely regarded as one of the busiest in the world. Millions of tourists visit the country and Spain has developed a very sophisticated network of professional Spanish travel agents and Spanish tour operators.

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