Violence Against Women in Mass Media

Images of women in mass media have been under scrutiny in recent
decades. At one end of the continuum is print advertisement, brief, often
single-paged combinations of text and imagery to sell a product. At the
other end is pornography, sexually explicit imagery created to arouse in
print, television, film, and the Internet. Where does power fit in between
these? Women in both these forms of mass media are repeatedly
depicted in submissive, silenced, and even victimized roles.
Advertising
is a much more benign means of conveying power over women than
pornography. However, the average American is exposed too much
more gendered advertising than pornography in any given day.
In both,
women are not often autonomous beings but passive and objectified.

The power of imagery is well known. As visual imagery is nonverbal, its
messages are often multilayered and contradictory (Kang 1997). As a
socializing agent, the visual imagery provided by the media can have a
powerful impact on our attitudes, values, beliefs, and behaviors, since it
can contribute meanings and associations entirely apart and of much
greater significance (ibid). Advertisements are everywhere, from
television, in print, on billboards, and so on. Yet decoding each one we
see is near impossible due to the number of ads we encounter every
day.

Domestic Violence

Feminists have been concerned with the media’s representation of
women for some time, particularly the use of their bodies. Many images
that depict women in sexual positions or just displaying a portion of the
female body may aid in objectifying it. The woman is often the object of a
male’s gaze, and thus assuming heterosexuality (Duggan and Hunter
51). Moreover, she is an object for the viewer’s imagination. This is one
of the ways that power differences are created. There is a clear
distinction in this equation between who has control and who is
receiving it.

Violence Against Women in Mass Media

Turning someone into an object not only dehumanizes, but it can lead to
justifying violence (communicating gender). It is much easier on most
people’s conscience to hit a punching bag than a person. Images of
women as objects and as the recipients of aggressive behavior do
cause a desensitization of violence (Barker 38). Despite this, very little
violent crime is a deliberate replica of one in the media, not a particular
image. Much of crimes against women mirror many of the messages that
are sent in the media. Oftentimes, these images in advertisements are
glamorizing the gender power relations discussed earlier.

Figure 1 is an advertisement from Sisley retrieved from [http://www.about-]
face.org. Sisley’s advertisements are marketed toward young white,
middle to upper class females reading fashion magazines. The first
thing the viewer notices is the model’s face, bearing a fearful and
frustrated expression. It is well lit in the foreground turning around, with
barely a glimpse of the man behind her. Her hair is in her face as if she
had quickly turned around to see him. The position of her body is clearly
submissive, her hands held behind her back as she lies on the couch.
Her elbow is obstructing the view of the man’s face, thus giving the view
the impression that the man’s intentions are unknown- we cannot see
the expression on his face. While it is not clear what exactly is
happening in this scene, a sense of uneasiness arises.

A power
struggle is used here to sell a name, a name that sells clothing, which is
barely visible here. This hierarchy may help facilitate the perception of
women as targets for violence and aggression. This advertisement
reinforces the stereotype that women can be used as objects not just for
their bodies, but also for their willingness to use those bodies in
demeaning and sometimes humiliating imagery. The look on her face,
the position of her body, and the faceless perpetrator in this
advertisement almost encapsulates the entire notion of the
powerlessness of women as objects.

Katz writes, “the reduction of women to body parts for men’s
consumption can significantly damage a woman’s self-respect” (qt in
Muarianne et al 250). He goes on further than men are not born to
objectify women, but it is a learned behavior, primarily from images of
passive women. Perhaps this lack of self-respect exacerbates the
acceptance of such material. There is no more rampant use of
aggressive imagery than in the pornography industry. Barron et al
examined sexual violence in print media, videos, and the Internet, and
found that the Internet contained a significant portion of graphic and
antagonistic imagery. However, as the violence became more intense,
fewer scenes contained it (259).

Much of the heterosexual pornography in circulation draws on the
conventions of the woman as the object of the male gaze (Duggan 54).
Duggan and Hunter’s book, Sex Wars, critically examines pornography
from both sides of the argument that addresses the nature of the
medium. It must be noted that my interest here lies in violent
pornography and its effects exclusively. The images of women in this
form of mass media are a more intense mutation of the print
advertisements discussed above. “Sexually explicit” often becomes
identified and equated with “violent”. Critically examining pornography
must be done with as much analysis as that of socially acceptable forms
of imagery. Those that contain nudity, nonviolent and non-degrading
material are another discussion.

Although most of pornography is directed towards men, it cannot be
assumed that this is due to greater intrinsic male interest in sex. More
than likely, it is due to the industry’s extreme slant towards the traditional
male perspective. The Internet is the most often used way of accessing
porn, with 12% of all its websites devoted to it
(www.porndestroyswomen.org/). The effect of this form of the media is
ambiguous. Donnerstein found in one study in the “Journal of
Personality and Social Psychology” that erotic materials facilitate
aggression while he found in another study that it inhibits it (qt in Bryant
et al 289). The resolution of this issue apparently concerns the nature of
the material. Sexual violence and unpleasant themes typically facilitate
aggression, whereas, nonviolent, more loving and pleasant "soft-core"
explicit materials may hinder it (ibid). Thus, the topic of censorship is a
hotly debated one with limited research on its effects.

Themes of female subordination, bondage, sado-masochism, and rape
became increasingly prevalent in porn since the 1980’s (Sapolsky). The
rape myth scenario has become rampant. It typically presents the female
in distress but later shows her being aroused. Sapolsky also quotes
research showing that men, who are exposed to pornography
containing rape in which a female victim eventually expresses positive
reactions to the rape, are more likely to accept rape myths (e.g., women
secretly desire to be raped), be sexually aroused to rape, self-report the
possibility of committing rape, see the victim as responsible, and show
less sensitivity to rape (ibid).

Although sado- masochism, bondage, and
rape fantasies are valid and typically innocuous means of sexual
arousal in practice, in print, video, and the Internet, it dehumanizes the
submissive member of the sexual act.

This type of violent pornography is a clear example of power issues in
mass media. Rape is a crime of control and domination. Sexualizing it
with the intent of arousal sometimes encourage the viewer to accept this
type of violence as acceptable. Women in this kind of pornographic
material are dehumanized on a much deeper level than those in
advertisements. As the author of http://www.porndestroyswomen.org aptly
writes, “You cannot simultaneously objectify and dignify women”.
Does imagery of objectified women in mass media directly cause
violence toward women? The answer is an overall no.

Rape and
violence existed long before the media. The First Amendment is the
most often cited reason to not censor such media. Much of the research
of violent imagery in the media shows only a small link between actual
violence and the media. Visual literacy is ultimately what will change the
notions of women as passive objects.

Violence Against Women in Mass Media

I am a student at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago finishing my final year, with a major in Fine Arts wtih and emphasis on Art Education. Additionally, I am a practicing artist.

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Domestic Violence No Contact Orders in Washington State

In Washington State, there is no crime of Domestic Violence. Rather, Domestic Violence is a tag that is put on other crimes indicating that there is a family or household relationship between the parties involved. Most jurisdictions will impose a No Contact Order that prohibits the defendant in a Domestic Violence ("DV") case from having contact with the alleged victim of the crime. The order will often prohibit contact with the victim's children, residence and place of work too.

Family or household relationship

Domestic Violence

According to RCW 10.99.020(3), family or household members is defined as:

Domestic Violence No Contact Orders in Washington State

[S]pouses, former spouses, persons who have a child in common regardless of whether they have been married or have lived together at any time, adult persons related by blood or marriage, adult persons who are presently residing together or who have resided together in the past, persons sixteen years of age or older who are presently residing together or who have resided together in the past and who have or have had a dating relationship, persons sixteen years of age or older with whom a person sixteen years of age or older has or has had a dating relationship, and persons who have a biological or legal parent-child relationship, including stepparents and stepchildren and grandparents and grandchildren.

As you can see, this definition is extremely broad. It is far more inclusive then what most people would expect it to be. The same is true for the types of crimes that are labeled "Domestic Violence." Most people only think of Assault when it comes to domestic violence, however there are many other crimes that can carry the DV tag.

Mandatory Arrest

According to RCW 10.31.100(2)(c), an officer must make an arrest if: The person is sixteen years or older and within the preceding four hours has assaulted a family or household member as defined in RCW 10.99.020 and the officer believes:

(i) A felonious assault has occurred;

(ii) an assault has occurred which has resulted in bodily injury to the victim, whether the injury is observable by the responding officer or not; or

(iii) that any physical action has occurred which was intended to cause another person reasonably to fear imminent serious bodily injury or death. Bodily injury means physical pain, illness, or an impairment of physical condition. When the officer has probable cause to believe that family or household members have assaulted each other, the officer is not required to arrest both persons. The officer shall arrest the person whom the officer believes to be the primary physical aggressor. In making this determination, the officer shall make every reasonable effort to consider:

(i) The intent to protect victims of domestic violence under RCW 10.99.010;

(ii) the comparative extent of injuries inflicted or serious threats creating fear of physical injury; and

(iii) the history of domestic violence between the persons involved.

If you get arrested for a crime involving domestic violence, a No Contact Order will slam into place almost immediately.

No Contact Orders

There are two types of No Contact Orders in Washington State: Pre-Trial and Post Conviction. Both types of orders prevent the defendant from having contact with the alleged victim. However, neither type prevents the victim from trying to have contact with the defendant, since only the defendant goes to jail if the order is violated. In other words, the No Contact Orders limit only the defendant's behavior.

Pre-Trial

Pre-Trial Orders are issued against the defendant (sometimes called a Respondent) before he or she is convicted of having done anything wrong. These orders can preclude contact between the Respondent and the alleged victim of the crime, the victim's children (even if they are the Respondent's children too), the victim's place of work and the victim's home (even if it's the Respondent's home too).

In other words, these orders can force you away from your home and your kids before you have even been convicted of a crime. This is true even if the victim says that nothing happened or that whatever did happen was blown all out of proportion.

Pre-trial orders stay in place until there is a resolution to the criminal case or until a Judge lifts it.

Post-Conviction

A No Contact Order issued after conviction can carry the same types of restrictions that a Pre-Trial order does. Post-Conviction Orders are generally good for a year, however a Judge can extend that if he or she feels that the facts warrant it.

Civil Standby

Since a No Contact Order can preclude you from going to your own home, the Courts will generally allow you one trip home to get clothes and a few personal items. However, you must be accompanied by a Law Enforcement Officer. This process is called a "Civil Standby." You must contact the law enforcement agency and schedule a time for the Civil Standby. Be aware, however, that this is a low priority action for most law enforcement agencies, so the civil standby will only be done when they have the time to spare.

Violating a No Contact Order

A willful violation of a No Contact Order is a gross misdemeanor; which means that you can get up to a year in jail and a ,000 fine. Since violating a Domestic Violence No Contact Order is itself labeled a crime of domestic violence, your rights to own or possess firearms will be forfeited upon conviction - even if no gun was used, possessed, mentioned or in any other way used or contemplated. This is true even where the underlying criminal case, which caused the No Contact Order to be issued, is dismissed.

Being in a public place, even the courthouse, is not a defense to violating the order. This means that if an order is issued against you and you see the protected person at a grocery store then you must leave. Inadvertent contact may technically not violate the order, but you may well have to go in front of a Judge to defend yourself. Besides the stress involved, you may have to spend more money in order to hire an attorney.

Even if the victim invites the contact, the respondent can face jail time if the order is violated. What I see most often in my cases, is the following scenario:

Two people have a relationship. Something happens and the police are called. Because of everyone's sensitivity to "Domestic Violence" the police err on the side of charging someone. A No Contact Order then slams into place, precluding the two people from having contact with one another. It may also make one of them unexpectedly homeless - but that is a different issue. People, being people, want to work the problem out and the alleged victim contacts the defendant and says something to the effect of "I'm so sorry that all of this is happening. Come home and I'll make it worth your while." The problem, of course, is that the defendant takes the alleged victim up on the offer. Generally, legal problems multiply for the defendant shortly thereafter as the happy couple go out to celebrate their rekindled relationship only to pull a "slow and go" at a stop sign - or some other minor traffic infraction. They then get stopped by the police. When the officer runs the occupants' information, up jumps the No Contact Order and the defendant is arrested then taken to jail where he is now facing an additional charge.

Removing the Order

It is very difficult to remove a Pre-Trial No Contact order once it is in place. Even if the victim comes in and testifies before the Judge that the order is not needed, most Judges will leave the order in place.

One strategy is to have the defendant evaluated by a Domestic Violence Treatment Agency. If a counselor is willing to tell the Judge that the defendant would not pose a danger to the victim if the order is removed, then the Judge can eliminate the order. The Treatment Agency may want to get the defendant into classes before agreeing to make a recommendation to the Judge.

Another strategy is to ask the Court to modify the No C0ontact Order to allow marriage counseling. Some Judges will require that contact only be allowed while monitored by a third party from the treatment agency.

Once a No Contact Order has been modified to allow conditional contact, a Judge is more likely to remove the order later, unless there is a new problem.

Victim Rights

Most Prosecutors' Offices have a Domestic Violence Advocate. It is this person's job to help the victim of a domestic violence offense understand what services are available to them and help keep them informed as the court process moves along.

I have seen numerous cases where the victim does not want the No Contact Order to be in effect. Going through the victims advocate person can sometimes be helpful.

Most courts have a form that the alleged victim can fill out requesting that the Judge drop the No Contact Order. In my experience, most Judges will maintain the order even after the victim asks to have it dropped. Even though the order remains in place, having the victim ask for it to be removed is still valuable, since it may be useful on a later attempt to remove the order.

Gun Rights

Conviction for a crime labeled Domestic Violence will cause you to loose your right to own or possess firearms. This is a lifelong ban.

Example

In one case I had, the husband was arrested for a Domestic Violence charge when, during an argument, he threw a bowl into their kitchen sink, chipping it. The argument was overheard by a nearby neighbor who called the police. The police arrived and when they looked in the sink, they found the chipped bowl and arrested the husband for domestic violence malicious mischief. There was no allegation that the husband threw the bowl at, or even near, his wife. Since Washington is a Community Property state, both the husband and the wife had an ownership interest in the bowl, thus by chipping his bowl, the husband damaged property belonging to another (i.e. his wife) and was therefore liable under Malicious Mischief. Without counsel, the husband (who had no prior criminal history) pled guilty at arraignment. He was given a one year No Contact Order which prevented him from going home for a year or having any contact with his wife.

Had the husband contacted an attorney prior to pleading guilty, he may not have had a conviction at all. Even if there was a conviction, an attorney could have helped him avoid such a long No Contact Order.

Copyright (c) 2007 The Cahoon Law Office - All rights reserved.

Domestic Violence No Contact Orders in Washington State

To ask the author additional questions about Domestic Violence No Contact Orders or questions specific to your case, you can reach Attorney Craig Cahoon at 866-529-5383 or email him at cahoonlaw@comcast.net There is additional information regarding Driving Under the Influence and other charges at The Cahoon Law Office

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Gambling is a Bad Habit Hard to Break, A Habit that Can Kill a Marriage Dead

Gambling is one of those increasingly common marriage problems that are often over looked despite over 50% of compulsive gamblers having been divorced. As with many bad habits, gambling has a real negative impact on family life with the habit often leading to serious financial problems as well as neglect of partners and children and sometimes proving to be a catalyst for abuse.

The National Gambling Impact Study Commission reported that more than 15 million Americans have a serious gambling problem often generated from boredom, a need for change, the adrenalin rush or as a result of marital or family conflicts. Gambling is becoming an ever increasing marriage problem and it's a bad habit that has serious consequences with regard to family and personal life.

Domestic Violence

Very few people have any kind of understanding of the devastating impact that the gambling habit can have. Gambling is one bad habit that if it grabs a hold it takes over your entire life, wrecks you marriage, alienates your family, leaves you in financial ruin and destroys your life. Like alcohol abuse, gambling is often a root cause for domestic violence and child abuse. Gambling starts as just a bad habit, something that you do when you've got some spare time but it quickly worms its way into your routine and becomes and all encompassing and hard to break addiction that rules your life.

Gambling is a Bad Habit Hard to Break, A Habit that Can Kill a Marriage Dead

The escalating habit has been made worse with gambling becoming even more common as a result of the onset of internet gambling. There are now around 1,700 gambling websites all vying for business and just waiting to encourage more and more people into the regular gambling routine. Online gambling is a really bad habit to get into with the 24/7 access from the comfort of your own home, the loss of the sense of reality when gambling away money and the ease at which the gamblers can add more funds.

Research has shown that online gamblers are more likely have the most serious gambling habits / addictions and the families of those addicted suffering a greater intrusion into their everyday lives.

Gambling is a Bad Habit Hard to Break, A Habit that Can Kill a Marriage Dead

Terry Ross is the author on and the creator of: Common Marriage Problems, a site dedicated to resolving marital conflict.

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Moving Forward Beyond Narcissistic Abuse

It seems since the beginning of the year I have been doing a lot more Counseling for the tragedies of narcissistic abuse. The stories I hear are all equally as horrible and unfortunately I am never surprised by anything a client tells me anymore.

It is sad to get to the point where nothing surprises you anymore but this is where I find myself. My heart goes out to each and every one of the victims of narcissistic abuse. Some of you have lost everything you've ever worked for, including your sense of self. Some are fortunate that you haven't lost everything but know you could have, had you not learned about narcissism when you did.

Domestic Violence

Learning about narcissistic personality disorder can bring us the knowledge we need to say "O.K. I know he, or she, is narcissistic or has something like this and there is nothing I can do to change it." The next step is to decide what you are going to do about it.

Moving Forward Beyond Narcissistic Abuse

For most, who know you must get away from the insanity created by the narcissism, the only choice is to cut off all contact and find a way to get on with your life. For those with family ties such as children, it is impossible to completely cut off contact but will have to limit the contact and develop enough inner strength to draw your boundaries, keeping any and all communication to a bare minimum having to do with the subject at hand, i.e., when to pick up the kids, when to return them, etc. More on that later.

No matter what your situation, one thing is most certain. The narcissistic abuse you have suffered has put you in a place where a spiritual journey is almost required for your survival. This is a journey that requires going deep within and assessing your strengths, your weaknesses, and finding out who you really are.

As victims of abuse we want to not only survive but to thrive. There is a need somewhere deep within to make sense out of what has transpired and use our experiences to launch us to the next level in our lives.

I use the word victim very carefully because I believe; on a spiritual level, I know there are no true victims. We draw our experiences to us, on some level, no matter how horrible they are. Because these are the experiences that shake us up at our very core and require no less than a complete transformation in order to get beyond it.

When I was a teenager I had a very destructive eating disorder. I nearly died at age seventeen from starvation. I had, through this illusion of a false self, managed to starve myself down to a fragile 89 pounds. I survived and switched from anorexia to bulimia which carried me another few years until I finally ended up in therapy at age nineteen.

My eating disorder stemmed from my self image, from unresolved family issues and a period of time where I endured a lot of abuse as a result of being a chubby little girl. In therapy, although it was a long and difficult journey, I dealt with the issues that caused the disorder and was completely cured. Unlike alcoholism and drug addiction I never had a desire to abuse food again. I was completely past that. In fact I went on to counsel others with obesity and eating disorders as well as depression and illness. This is where my holistic counseling path began.

The dark night of the soul I underwent as a result of my eating disorder gave me the knowledge, the experience and the tools to help others on their journey who were dealing with the same type of issues. Had I not experienced such a journey I would never have been able to help the people I could help. So there was a purpose to the insanity I lived with. It had a positive outcome.

Years later I found the same type of experience with the narcissistic abuse. As a result of my long and painful journey I have been able to help others.

Part of helping others is to help them see that there is a purpose to their suffering. It makes the suffering much more bearable when we know that there can be a positive outcome.

Let me use the weight loss journey as an example. For years I taught my clients to change their diet and lifestyle in order to have the results they desired. There were a lot of emotions surfacing as my clients battled with their addictions and the pain at the root of them. Yet what kept them going was the knowledge that they were going somewhere better. If they embraced the journey, which included embracing the pain, they would eventually see a whole new being in the mirror.

It is the same for those of you on the journey of recovery from narcissistic abuse. You may be walking in a dark tunnel right now but have to trust that there is something better waiting for you when you return to the light.

Those who give up and subscribe to a life of victimhood will always stay in the tunnel which results in chronic depression, lethargy, financial issues, physical issues and a lonely, loveless life. There is nobody on this earth who has the power to assign you to this kind of life, except for YOU.

What the narcissist did was horrible and there is no excuse for the pain you have suffered as a result. But there is also no going back and changing the past. All you have is now and the future and this is where your energy needs to be focused.

I watched a documentary the other day called "The Shadow of the Moon" about the first astronauts who landed on the moon. It was interesting how astronauts were chosen for their ability to stay cool, calm and collected in a crisis. It was a matter of life and death to them. There was a point where there was an explosion in the capsule that was supposed to take the astronauts back home. I was listening to them talking, reflecting back many years and one of the astronauts said. "Our oxygen was leaking and we thought it was all over for us but we asked ourselves, what do we have to work with to get us home?"

I was so impressed with this attitude. "What do we have to work with to get us home?"

I think we can all ask ourselves this same question when we are in a spiritual crisis. What do we have to work with? We may have lost what feels like the most important thing but what do we still have left?

If those astronauts spent their energy focusing on what was lost they would have never made it home. They would have used up the remainder of their oxygen having an emotional meltdown instead of focusing on how to save their lives and the mission.

We are all on a mission. We just don't always know what it is. Perhaps if we had a better image of what our mission or purpose in life is, we could change our focus from what we have lost and instead look at what we can work with now to get us to where we want to go.

Now is an excellent time to take your inventory and make a list of who you believe you are and what you would like to do, be or have in this life. If you want a loving relationship than you must believe you can have that. There is no reason you can't.

I was so clear after leaving a narcissistic relationship not only that I wanted a loving relationship, but that I deserved one. I had been focusing on having a loving relationship for quite some time, even during the narcissistic one. I used to say a little prayer to either change the relationship I am in to a loving, harmonious relationship or move me on to something better. My prayer was answered but let me tell you I was unprepared for how quickly things would be shaken up in my life in order to bring me what I wanted.

When a new opportunity for love presented itself almost right away, I could have easily said "No! I am not ready!" But I had been praying for this for years so why would I say I wasn't ready?

I didn't give my ex the opportunity to take from me my joy and even though I was still hurting from the awful fall-out created by somebody I had believed was my friend, I knew I had to get on with my life.

Looking forward is where the real healing happens. Let the wounds of the past heal, and give them the time they need to do this, but don't focus on the pain of the healing. Focus instead on what you still have and what you can do with it. Then, take a deep breath, look forward and begin walking.

Moving Forward Beyond Narcissistic Abuse

Kaleah LaRoche is an Author, Holistic Counselor, Minister and Musician. She specializes in Spiritual Recovery for the Victims of Narcissistic Abuse. Kaleah has written two books on narcissism and abuse that she offers as downloads from her Website. She also offers lots of free information, a support forum, soul recovery and counseling. To learn more about Kaleah's work visit her Website: http://www.narcissismfree.com

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100 Domestic Violence Facts

1. Japan is known for being big on video-games, as a matter of fact they even have a "Domestic Violence Video Game.

2. DV, Spousal Abuse and intimate partner abuse statistics come from only two major sources, Agency Data and Survey Data. The problem with the data is that it is biased because it is too varied, complex and partially unvolunteering.

Domestic Violence

3 Fact: DV shelters funded by the Federal Government are not required to produce information and do not, information about what they do, how many numbers in or out is unknown, statistics and algorythims are not recorded, this does not help determine if domestic violence is rising or decreasing.

100 Domestic Violence Facts

4. Legally and fully married couples report less than 5% of domestic violence calls and are less violent than the more unstable and unbonded relationship.

5. A CDC (center for disease control) survey found that 50 percent of all spousal violence was mutual making Partner aggression two-way.

6. 75% of domestic violence is caused by drug addicts.

7. Pets such as dogs, cats, etc are affected by Domestic Violence just as much as humans.

8. More than 50% of spousal Abusers also abuse their children.

9. Domestic violence occurs in both Religious and NON Religious families.

10. Spousal Abuse occurs in poor, middle class, rich and in wealthy families although lower income families are more likely to experience it.

11. It was illegal for a man to hit his wife after 9 P.M. in London ( meaning it was ok before 9 P.M.) reasoning was that women needed time to rest in order to do house chores.

12. Domestic Violence is a disease as it can be transmitted from one generation to the other.

13. Battered women shelters serve more children than they do women.

14. All Abusers do in fact feel guilt and are afraid of being caught.

15. Statistics on Domestic Violence are not precise, never have been and never will be. However, statistics certainly can become more accurate.

16. Women can indeed support themselves if they leave a domestic violence relationship, even if they believe otherwise. There are many programs available for DV victims.

17. When a victim decides to leave and gets caught is when they are in the most danger.

18. Domestic violence is a leading cause of homelessness nationally.

19. 25 % of all violent crimes reported in the UK are domestic violence related.

20. Domestic Violence claims the life of 2 women a week minimum, based on what is reported.

21. Often it is mocked, deemed foolish and comic when a man claims being a victim of domestic violence, however studies show that men lose their life to domestic violence at similar rates as women do.

22. Certain types of Abusers can be very well liked socially, can seem very nice out of the home debunking any claims the victim may have and making them feel NON-Credible.

23. 63% percent of all murders committed by boys between the ages of 11 through 20 kill their mother's Abuser.

24. Every State in the U.S. has a State coalition against domestic violence.

25. Domestic Violence can happen to anyone, even Oprah was once a victim and celebrities are constantly on the map for it.

26. Prevention and Education of DV is not taught in schools, If you know of a school that does have classes please reply here.

27. Police, Correctional, F.B.I, and High Ranking officials can also be Abuser's of Domestic Violence.

28. Men can be just as afraid of women in intimate partner relationships.

29. Men are less likely to report abuse as victims due to embarrassment, stigmas, credibility and nothing has been done to encourage it.

30. Every 15 seconds a woman is assaulted by a boyfriend her husband or a lover, every 14 seconds the same happens to a man ( FOX 2 NEWS )

31. There are 1500 Shelters for women in the United States and 3500 Animal Shelters, this is true there are more Animal Shelters.

32. Court ordered Domestic Violence courses and classes are not always successful and DO NOT Guarantee the abuse will stop, However it can and does help.

33. Professionals such as, Doctors, Lawyers, Police Officers, Ministers, Psychologists also beat their wives.

34. Stopping an Abuser's Drug and or Alcohol problem will not stop their abusive patterns, they are two separate entities although drug and alcohol use does make abuse more likely.

35. Many assaults are planned, premeditated and can last for hours.

36. Abuser's target NON visible part of the body and even when bruises are visible the victim usually manages to cover up the bruise.

37. An abuser will assault a women in the stomach while she is pregnant as it manipulates the woman drastically as she does not want her baby hurt. This is what I call the 2 in 1, abusing 2 people with one stone.

38. Police presence can make a woman even more vulnerable, because once the police is gone and the couple are back together, the victim will have to pay the consequences.

39. Domestic and Family violence kills just as many women every 5 years as the number of Americans killed in the Vietnam War according to (The Domestic Violence Sourcebook, Berry, 1996)

40. Just 17 states kept data on reported domestic violence offenses in 1991, According to this report: (Senate Judiciary Committee Report, October 1992)

41. Domestic Violence is the leading cause of death of women in the United States of America, According to the US Surgeon General.

42. Among causes of injury to women combined such as muggings, rape, Car Accidents, slips and falls, work related injuries, Battering would be the leader of the pack being the single largest cause of injury to women nationally.

43. 30 % of all Domestic Violence incidents involve weapons.

44. 80% of OHIO prisoners come from homes where domestic violence was an issue, this includes juveniles as well as adults.

45. Domestic Violence is not an anger control, however the victim may be led to believe so.

46. Children are aware of the DV in their home, even if it is hidden.

47. It is a crime and it is against the law to harass or physically harm another human being.

48. The U.S economy suffers a loss of up to 0 Million Dollars a year in Medical Expenses and between and Billion Dollars in missing work or sick days annually.

49. 22% percent of all Divorces in middle-class relationships are due to violence (EAP Digest November/December 1991)

50. Family Violence or Spousal Abuse is a secretive crime and can be a very well kept secret for years if not permanently.

51. Pregnant women that are battered are more likely to have babies with defects,low birth weights and even miscarriages.

52. Babysitters, Housekeepers, Gardeners, Caregivers, Guardians, Godparents, Butlers, and or sleepover friends are not exempt from domestic violence, no one is.

53. local law enforcements are not required or mandated to maintain data on the relationship between victim and offender except in the case of murder.

54. Until 1984 advising the Male partner to "take a walk around the block" was usually as much as police could legally do when responding to a domestic violence call.

55. It was in 1984 that the United States Attorney General suggest that automatic arrest become standard when responding to a domestic violence call.

56. Non Cooperation of the victim during abuser prosecution is too often the cause for dismissal of abuse cases, however some states no longer require the victim to follow through and now continue prosecution when enough evidence allows. This is know as the no-drop policy.

57. Abusers may use legal and or illegal drugs to spike a victim's food or drink in order to further manipulate them and make them more vulnerable.

58. There are actually countries that do not have a domestic abuse law or crime bracket, for example in Scotland there is no crime known as Domestic Abuse.

59. Insurance companies treat Domestic Violence as a pre-existing condition. Meaning if you're husband beats you either you can be turned down for insurance or you may have to pay a much higher insurance premium.

60. Domestic Violence can be that of a slavery setting, where the victim works and the abuser reaps the benefits and controls every aspect of the victim's lifestyle.

61. In any given Domestic Abuse Case 95% of the times The male partner is arrested.

62. Domestic violence is an under reported crime Only approximately 25 percent of all physical assaults, and 50 percent of all stalkings perpetuated against females by intimate partners are reported.

63. Over one Million of Domestic Violence allegations are false.

64. In 7 out of 10 cases women were the aggressors of an Abuser/Abusee relationship where there male partner did not re-act physically According to a national survey on partner aggression Published by the Centers for Disease Control in May 2007.

65. Men and women commit domestic violence at similar rates according to Professor Linda Kelly of The Indiana State University School of Law.

66. Women who experience domestic violence first hand are more likely to get sick in their latter years, sick as in suffering from asthma, getting a stroke, 70% chance of having heart disease and a chance of turning to substance abuse or heavy drinking.

67. Domestic and sexual violence are known to involve the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases such as H.I.V. etc

68. The majority of women who have been victims of spousal abuse become less negotiating about practicing safe sex or using protection with future partners.

69. Many Abuser's have no criminal history or crime record and can seem harmless, kind and family oriented.

70. Undocumented immigrant victims are somehow more vulnerable to abuse, because of their partner's documented legal status, making them less likely to seek help due to deportation threats made by their abusers.

71. Women use violence to resolve conflict in intimate relationships just as often as men according to a well-publicized study conducted by Dr. Murray Strauss of the University of New Hampshire.

72. Abuser's with Legal U.S. Citizenship many times deter their victims from gaining U.S. Citizenship/legal status to keep them isolated.

73. A host of different women from Hispanic backgrounds such as Mexico and Columbia are lead to believe that Domestic Violence is acceptable because of their Macho like cultures.

74. Undocumented Immigrants often do not trust the American Legal system when it comes to domestic abuse because of their fear of deportation, also the reason why they will stay in such relationships longer.

75. Men are less likely to view partner aggression towards them as a crime, another reason why men don't come forward.

76. A high number of women become victims due to them first initializing an assault towards their husband or partner.

77. Women are more likely to report abuse then men are as victims.

78. Domestic Violence does not appear on the U.S. Department Of Health and Human Services list of leading causes of injury. However, accidental slips and falls, over exertion and car accidents are.

79. The cost of domestic violence towards men us "UNKNOWN" however the cost of domestic violence towards women is .8 Billion according to the center for disease control but supposedly Billion from other sources.

80. Automatic mandatory arrest laws escalate, not reduce, the risk of successful partner violence, because when abusers are let loose they are known to retaliate.

81. The claimed fact that women lose Million days of paid work is actually reversed, this is the total amount of lost days in monies Men lose each year not women, do the math.

82. 71% of kids killed by a parent were killed by their mothers, according to Data from the Department of Health and Human Services.

83. Domestic violence facts and statistics are amongst the most misleading, mythical, railroaded, un-informative and farse facts and statistics ever. Much trickory and deception is used in the numbers brought forward.

84. BWS or Battered Women's Syndrome first came about in the 1970's. This alleged syndrome helped and cushioned women who murdered their husbands, boyfriends, or lovers. It was also used to justify why they killed their partners.

85. Major Holidays aren't any better for victims than they are for Abusers, Thanksgiving and Christmas raises tension and stress in domestic abuse relationships due to the victims yearning want to see his or her family and the abuser just not allowing it.

86. Abusers tend to deplete their victim's bank accounts and destroy their credit to make them less versatile and more dependent on their abusers.

87. A staggering number of victims do not know what domestic abuse is, nor do they know that they are living it. Even when they have a sense that something's wrong, they do not see the abuse coming as it stems and grows, it is why they say love is blind.

88. Spousal and Domestic Abuse rates are not their highest on Super Bowl Sunday than any other single day of the year. Not all men are into football, as a matter of fact men usually are not with their female partners on that day.

89. The reason or reasons why victims stay in such relationships is or are limited financial funds to get out and move, fear of making the abuse worst if caught leaving, and immunity to the abuse, there is an old saying "we like what we know, but we are afraid of what we don't know"

90. A century 100 Years Ago it was legal for the husband to beat his wife in the UK given that he only used a stick no thick in width than his thumb.

91. Domestic Violence occurs in absolutely all races and ethnic groups to any gender regardless of age.

92. If battering and abuse is not decreasing, its increasing and tends to develop over time.

93. Abusive women have used domestic violence as a tool to arrest and intimidate their male partners by making false claims that her husband assaulted her. With the new domestic abuse laws of mandatory arrest on a domestic abuse call this is an easy one for women to pull. ( Ladies don't get any ideas, if you're husband treats you well, be nice to him )

94. A study on dating couples determined that 70 percent of all physical abuse was inflicted by both parties.

95. Blind, deaf, handicapped and mentally retarded persons are also subject to abuse one way or another.

96. Military domestic violence statistics show that the army had the higher incidents of all the services Marines, Navy, and Air Force following in order.

97. Technology has played a major role in domestic abuse recently. For example Abusers use Email, tracking devices, cell phones etc, to monitor their victims where abouts. Victimized Men have also incorporated the use of technology in the form of surveillance to record and prove that their spouse was indeed abusing them.

98. Written policies, standards, protocols are a must by all law enforcement when responding to any domestic disputes.

99. A victim does not have the option to choose whether they can press charges or drop the charges once an arrest is made. The state takes over the case and follows prosecution.

100. A protective order, Order of protection, stay away order, restraining order, emergency protective restraining order whether temporary or permanent does not guarantee solid protection for a victim, especially since victims tend to allow the abuser to contact them after an arrest or the abuser may stalk the victim. However an automatic mandatory arrest is made if authorities are made aware that the perpetrator has violated such court order.

100 Domestic Violence Facts

Beth Ross is a moderator at http://www.domestic-violence-online-center.com/ voluntarily helps with the forum and contributes content for the site. Having gone through domestic abuse in her past, Beth now passes on what she knows on her free time.

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Signs and Symptoms of Spousal Mental Abuse

Most of us know the physical violence is a form of domestic abuse, but did you know that there is such a thing as spousal mental abuse? Most people don't relate mental and verbal attacks as being abuse on the same level as domestic violence. But the effects of any form of abuse can be devastating.

A common symptom is denial- the victim refuses to even acknowledge that what he/she is going through is abuse. This can make it hard to encourage someone to seek help or get away from their abuser, especially if they move to the next step of "justification." If the victim begins justifying the abuser's words and actions because "he/she was angry," this is an indicator that the cycle of abuse has gotten that much tighter.

Domestic Violence

Spousal mental abuse can be in the form of screaming, yelling, hurling insults, "put-downs," manipulation, and even telling the victim "If you loved me you'd...." After awhile, the victim usually ends up having physical symptoms as a result of the abuse- these symptoms include stomach-aches, tension headaches, ulcers, even panic-attacks from the constant worry and stress of whether or not the abuser is going to find fault with him or her.

Signs and Symptoms of Spousal Mental Abuse

It's extremely common for victims of abuse to lash out at others, since they are unable to lash out at their abuser. They may become confrontational, verbally attack others, or they may completely avoid social situations which require interaction with other people. Avoiding confrontation or attack becomes a victim's main goal. They may withdraw into themselves and feel that they are worthless or somehow "deserve" the abuse.

Although an abuser will likely never change his/her ways, the cycle of abuse can only be stopped once the victim acknowledges that what the abuser is doing is INDEED abuse. If you suspect that someone you love may be the victim of spousal mental abuse, it's important to talk to him/her in a non-confrontational way and try to encourage them to seek help and support for themselves. But be prepared- a victim's typical response to an outsider's interference is complete denial, and sometimes even anger for someone daring to "interfere."

Abuse in any form causes pain, whether physical or emotional, and leaves permanent scars in a person's mind and heart. Spousal mental abuse is no different in this aspect. Abuse as a general rule, affects a person's self-esteem, their self-worth, their ability to trust in themselves and others, and after awhile, a person's ability to love can become lost under a mountain of "self-protection mechanisms."

Abuse hurts, whether it's physical, mental, or emotional. The cycle of abuse must be stopped. You can't force an abuser to change. But you can help the victim to see that what they are going through is abuse, and be there for them so that when they are ready to end the cycle of abuse- there's someone there to be there for them.

Signs and Symptoms of Spousal Mental Abuse

Candis Reade is an accomplished niche website developer and author. To learn more about Signs and Symptoms of Spousal Mental Abuse, please visit Stopping Spouse Abuse for current articles and discussions.

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Financial Abuse in Marriage

In Anna Quindlen's gripping novel "Black and Blue", a woman tries to escape from her abusive husband who is a policeman. She lives in terror that he will find her with the same tools he uses to pursue criminals.

The case of Drew Peterson, a policeman in Bollingbrook, Illinois, is still under investigation in the disappearance of his fourth wife Stacy. His third wife, whose body was dug up for further testing, showed signs of homicide. Relatives tell police that the husband abused the women. Peterson claims he loves Stacy and wants her to come home. Authorities have never located Stacy's body. No one has heard from her.

Domestic Violence

One of the earliest signs of future abusive behavior is financial control. A husband controls the purse strings, refusing to share financial information with his wife but expecting that she account for every choice and every penny spent.

Financial Abuse in Marriage

Many women suffer in silence, telling themselves that their husband's controlling behavior is a personality quirk.They may still have access to joint finances, reasonable mobility and buying choices. They are frustrated by their husband's attitude and behavior, but they don't live with a gnawing sense of fear.

Financial abuse is different.

It is behavior designed to isolate a woman into a state of complete financial dependence. The most important thing to remember about financial abuse is that the abuser is not out of control. He can, at the drop of a hat, change his behavior to suit the social circumstances. He can be charming and persuasive, but his objective is to isolate his partner and make her dependence on him total.He is making a decision to control his partner's life by eliminating her ability to make choices, have access to money and be able to get around.

Financial abuse can often lead to physical abuse as well. It happens within all age ranges, educational levels, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels. The rich socialite who lives in the largest house in the best neighborhood is as likely to be a victim of financial abuse as the poorest wife in the toughest section of town.

Where do you draw the line?

You may know someone whom you suspect is being financially abused and feel helpless. After her husband went on a physical rampage during an argument about money, a local socialite was rushed to the hospital with multiple fractures. He is the CEO of one of the country's largest financial institutions.

After a brief mention in the local newspaper, the story disappeared from all police reports and press archives. This incident is not unique; it happens more often than we realize.

On the other hand, you may not know that your neighbor, acquaintance or friend is a financial hostage because she won't tell you. You may know her husband, and never suspect a thing. He's not out of control or under the influence of drugs or alcohol. We might label his behavior difficult, eccentric or unpleasant, but we don't intervene

The thing to remember about financial abuse is that it functions on a continuum of emotional, verbal and ultimately physical abuse. The abuser's objective is control.

Signs of Financial Abuse

Controlling the finances.

Withholding money or credit cards.

Giving you an allowance.

Making you account for every penny you spend.

Stealing from you or taking your money.

Exploiting your assets for personal gain.

Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter).

Preventing you from working or choosing your own career.

Sabotaging your job (making you miss work or calling constantly, etc.)

If something about your relationship with your husband or partner scares you and you need to talk, you can get help by contacting the following:

National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or go to nrcdv.org.

feminist.org/911/crisis.html - This website lists the numbers and locations of domestic violence hotlines for the 50 states.

Financial Abuse in Marriage

Helga Hayse is author of "Don't Worry about a Thing, Dear" - Why Women Need Financial intimacy. She teaches women about participating and understanding their marital finances. She speaks to financial planners and estate planners about how to encourage crucial conversations within families.

http://www.financialintimacy.com

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How Do I Love Myself When I Feel Like Crap?

Many people see my constant, happy smile and make instant assumptions about me and my past. However, my childhood was a pretty traumatic one. In the bad old days, as I call them, I would pass a mirror, momentarily liked what I saw but then suddenly, and inexplicably, would start telling myself that I was 'crap', that I 'hated' myself and I was 'pathetic'. I had buried my trauma deep inside me, refusing to face them and, slowly, it took its toll in a continuous lack of self-love and low self-esteem. Gradually, and painfully, I learned that I had to sort out my past, face it and move on, and then begin the slow process of self-love. The wonderful result is clear to see now.

At the root of our main problems is likely to be a lack of self-love. It is much easier for us not to love ourself because the natural instinct to blame always seeks a scapegoat. When we do not wish to blame someone else for the hurt, pain or unappreciation we feel, we go inwards with the anger and beat ourselves up instead.

Domestic Violence

For example, victims of racism are likely to loathe themselves or their children, likely to tell their children how 'ugly' or 'horrible' they are, externalising the self-hate they feel. The same with victims of domestic abuse. They usually blame themselves for the violence, being willing to believe that they must have done something to deserve it and they are not worthy of anything else. This lack of self love merely perpetuates the negative situations, reinforcing the very behaviour which is hurting them.

How Do I Love Myself When I Feel Like Crap?

Self-love is the Key

To value, feelings of worth, inclusion significance and ultimately respect. We cannot earn the respect of others if we have no respect for ourself. We cannot expect others to love what we reject if we have no love for ourself and we cannot expect value from others if we give ourself no value. What happens in our life happens in circular motion: whatever we feel we then give out to our world which comes back to us ten-fold through the natural Law of Attraction. So if we feel awful and negative, we give that out, the energy we send out attracts similar negative energy which then returns to haunt us even more. That is why certain people constantly have negative experiences. Nothing will change until they change their thought processes. So you need to be careful what you focus on because that is all you will get in life!

However, how do you begin to love yourself when others might not have affirmed or loved you?

A very good question, not so glib to answer because it is difficult to do. It means you have to try to overturn years of negativity and being undervalued by parents or lovers. However, it starts with establishing 5 things:

The value you place on yourself,

Gratitude for your life and blessings,

What you wish to do with that life,

Self-appreciation and living in the present and

Self-forgiveness.

Who is Your Personal Manager?

First, begin by looking at yourself from the outside. Ask yourself, if you were your own manager would you employ you? Would you employ someone who puts you down, tells you how terrible you are, beat you up for every mistake, loathes you and does nothing to motivate you? One who forces you to put up with violence or putdowns, to be treated like a doormat? Of course not. Yet you constantly do that to yourself! Time to sack that personal manager, that little voice of negativity within you, and get a new motivational one!

Second, begin to give thanks for your LIFE and its blessings. Your time on earth is very precious because many people have no life. Theirs have been taken while you are still enjoying yours. Appreciate that simple fact and give thanks. It is a fact of life that the more we give thanks is the more we have to be thankful for (that Law of Attraction again). Our gratitude energy goes out and attract other similar energy and bring us back much more in return.

To begin the process of self-love, we have to ask ourself these questions. When did I last give deliberate thanks for...

waking up and seeing another day?

the people in my life?

the things I have been blessed with?

the talents I have?

the faculties that still work?

my beauty, life and experiences?

Do I just take everything and people around me for granted?
When did I affirm and reinforce someone?

Third, what do you wish to do with that life? We are not talking about your job here. We are talking about your PURPOSE. What makes you want to jump out of bed in the mornings, makes you want to fly, thrills you with a warm glow when you think of it? That's your purpose. If you are feeling generally unhappy, you have not identified your life purpose yet, otherwise you would be almost delirious with excitement, as I am every day of my life. My work is just magic. I can actually see the difference it makes to others and that is so empowering - both to me and the receivers. You are probably just doing your job for the sake of the money, trapped by a mortgage or being a slave to material things. That will not make you feel good in the long term. It will not give you much value. When we are living to purpose the world is our oyster and everything we want gradually comes into being. We don't even have to try too hard, we just do our best and the Universe delivers.

Keep out of the past unless it is positive!

Fourth, I have learned that when we keep ourself in the past it is because we don't like our present too much. We probably feel isolated, excluded, unloved, unappreciated, so we secretly blame ourself, we use our depression to maintain attention, but of a sort which, sadly, alienates us from others and have counter-productive effects. In short, our current unhappiness helps us to hark back to the past to remind ourself of how terrible we are while making our situation worse.

We keep the negatives stuck in our head, perhaps for sympathy, instead of facing them, acknowledging them, forgiving OURSELF and others and moving on. I could not forgive until I found love .. my own self-love. To find true love from someone else, you have to love yourself first. No one can love you for you.

But people who live in the past tend to take their present for granted, while many others have not been so privileged to have one. We have no present or future if we live in the past. We are so busy looking back there, we have no time to make a future or to appreciate what we have. Hence we come across as selfish and ungrateful.

Someone once said, "If you want to know what your future will be like, look at your habits now". Whatever habits you have today will dictate your tomorrow. If you have negative habits that keep you stuck in the past, you will only keep getting what you've always got. Your future will be no different from today. Your habits, the way you do things now, will guarantee that.

So, in a nutshell, we have to stop beating ourself up over past actions, stop aiming for perfection and stop comparing ourself to others, otherwise we will always feel inadequate. You also have to appreciate your limitations, praise yourself DAILY for being a wonderful and unique human being. Stop seeking the approval of others when the only standard should be your own, and look outwards to others in love and appreciation than just focusing on yourself.

I have found all these to be most helpful in developing self-love but, most of all, accepting myself as I am and giving thanks for every new day of my life, instead of taking it for granted, has been the biggest factor in nurturing my self love and moving me from feeling like 'crap' to feeling fabulous and fantastic.

I hope this has been of some help.

How Do I Love Myself When I Feel Like Crap?

How confident are you? Try our CONFIDENCE QUIZ to test how you feel about yourself just now. Low confidence and self-esteem rob you of achievements and success. See if you're being affected by it.

ELAINE SIHERA is an expert author, public speaker, media contributor and lifestyle columnist. The first Black graduate of the OU and a post-graduate of Cambridge University. Elaine is a Personal Empowerment and Relationships Consultant. Author of: 10 Easy Steps to Growing Older Disgracefully; 10 Easy Steps to Finding Your Ideal Soulmate!; Money, Sex & Compromise, among others (available on http://www.amazon.co.uk as well as her personal website). She describes herself as, "Fit, Fabulous, Over-fifty and Ready to Fly!"

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