The Top 10 Ways to Reduce Violence

I happen to live near the one of the tragic "school shootings" of the recent past, and I've seen how the grief, anger, heartache and turmoil have impacted our community. It has brought home that a general abhorrence of violence is not enough. While I'm sure others will have different, and perhaps wiser, suggestions about how to reduce violence, here are my Top 10 Ways to Reduce Violence. If you can improve them, I welcome your feedback, but I suspect it may be more important and more useful if you write a letter to your local newspaper or school board. Together, we can reduce and perhaps eliminate violence.

1. Disconnect anger from violence. I am convinced that human beings get angry, and that anger at injustice is often justified. There is healthy anger that insists, "There has to be a better way!" I shutter when I hear parents tell children, "You shouldn't be angry." Tell them instead, "You're feelings are OK, you can be angry, but you may not hit or hurt others."

2. See the connection between the love of violence and violence itself. Fascination with brutality, guns and bombs, war and evil must increase the chances for violent behavior. I can't prove that, it just seems likely to me.

The Top 10 Ways to Reduce Violence

3. See the connection between all levels of violence. Insults and taunting, humiliation and shaming are forms of violence. When we treat people badly, it should not surprise us when they seek a way to "get even."

4. Take all violence seriously. Playground bullies and sibling rivalries do not have to be accepted as part of life, at least not when children are getting hurt. Kids squabbling over "my toy" is one thing; hitting or pulling hair or knocking each other down is something else. We do not have to accept it as normal behavior.

5. Take troubled, angry people seriously. We talk about needing more early intervention with troubled kids, and I agree. But people of all ages get trapped in situations they can't handle, with emotions they don't know how to express. Domestic violence, violence among co-workers and among children should always be treated as a serious matter. Hitting and hurting, and threatening to hurt, are not OK.

6. Deal with the availability of guns. Knives, cars, and a thousand other things also kill people, but guns have a unique place in the American imagination. Of course, they also have a place in the rich tradition of hunting and target shooting. I don't have all the answers, but hunting seems different than having military-style weapons available in millions of homes across the country. There must be a better system.

7. Acknowledge the connection between violent images and violent behavior. I abhor censorship, so this is a tough one. But if 30-second images can sell us lipstick and Buicks, and change the way we vote, it seems likely that hours and hours of explosions, shootings, fights and mayhem may also influence behavior. To be blunt, I am particularly troubled by the violence in video games and the number of violent "action adventure" movies we support as a culture. Something strange is going on!

8. Acknowledge the connection between sports and violent behavior. Again, sports is a sacred icon in American culture, but it seems that sports have been separated from athletics. Instead of every child participating in gym class and competing in intramural sports, we have a culture of super-hero super-stars who are virtually above the law. Hockey, basketball, football and other sports all tolerate behavior that would result in arrest for assault outside the sports arena. Competition and fitness are valuable; organized violence is not acceptable!

9. Acknowledge the connection between language and violence. Business uses the language of the battlefield, and sports is full of encouragement to "get out there and kill", "massacre them", and "beat their brains out". Our legal system is based on the idea of lawyer's doing battle. While hiring a representative to fight with words instead of clubs was a huge step forward in the middle ages, perhaps our society is ready for an even higher level of conflict resolution.

10. See the violence in ourselves. Sometimes I find myself so angry I "daydream" about violence, or "really showing them". I hear jokes that use the phrase, "Just shoot the bastards!" I know if "looks could kill" or if cutting statements actually drew blood, I'd be in deep trouble. Violence is not just someone else's problem. I must work for peace, love and improved conflict resolution in my own life. How about you?

The Top 10 Ways to Reduce Violence
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© Copyright 2003 by Philip E. Humbert. All Rights Reserved. This article may be copied and used in your own newsletter or on your website as long as you include the following information: "Written by Dr. Philip E. Humbert, writer, speaker and success coach. Dr. Humbert has over 300 free articles, tools and resources for your success, including a great newsletter! It's all on his website at: http://www.philiphumbert.com

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Warning Signs of Your Abusive Boyfriend - Are You a Victim?

"Gosh...!! Look at him, how charming and considerate he is! He is the only one that I have ever desired." This is what we usually think when we come across someone who is charismatic and thoughtful. And we end up falling head over heels in love with him knowing very little of the demon that he has inside him.

We would overlook his jealousy and possessiveness thinking to be his way of expressing, how much he wants me and loves me, feeling on top of the world, until the day all hell breaks lose and we get to see the other side of him. We come in touch with someone, whom we have never known, a complete contrast of the person we had deeply fallen in love with. And standing right, there we see our world, which we have weaved with utmost love and care falling apart.

Thus, we begin to doubt about our safety and security in the company of that person, in whose embrace, we once found warmth and comfort. So, before taking the extreme step, knowing the person and his character traits is important, so that we don't end up spending our lives with an abuser in an abusive relationship.

Warning Signs of Your Abusive Boyfriend - Are You a Victim?

Here are a set of questions which would help you to identify the personality and character of your boyfriend, whether he is likely to become an abuser or not :

1) Does your boyfriend often get jealous of you, your friends, your career and your success? Does he get jealous whenever you talk to your male friends? Does your boyfriend often accuse you of having an affair with others?

2) Does he try to dominate you to the extent of controlling on deciding what you wear and how your hair style should be? Does he treat you as if you are inferior to him? Does he force you to consider him to be the top priority of your life and obey him?

3) Has he ever abused you verbally in front of his friends and family? Does he go to the extent of hitting you for no fault of yours? Does he often threaten you with death?

4) Has your boyfriend ever committed violent crimes against others which may prove fatal? Has he ever thrown or strike or hit objects at you? Is he violent towards children and animals?

5) Does he isolate you from your friends and families? Does he always blame you for his faults and bad luck? Does he always make you feel that you are at fault? he might try to make you feel guilty for no fault of yours.

6) Is he addicted to drugs or alcohols? Sometimes a person becomes violent when he is under the influence of drugs and began to hurt others.

7) An abusive person often has a dual character. He might pretend to be very soothing and understanding than he really is in front of others.

8) His mood fluctuates every now and then. And he gets angry very fast and is generally very aggressive.

9) At one moment he will make you feel on top of the world and in the next minute he would demoralize you and throw you in a trash can.

10) He may forcibly let you do something which you do not want to do. For example he might use his physical strength to prevent you from leaving the room or may even force you to have sexual intercourse.

If you see these traits in your boyfriend's behavior then most likely your relationship is heading towards an abusive relationship. And you need to seek help and guidance from Professional counselor. You need to pay attention to the warning signs however whether you want to continue staying in the relationship or end it abruptly is going to be your own decision.

Warning Signs of Your Abusive Boyfriend - Are You a Victim?
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Now, after going through all the warning signs that your boyfriend is abusing you, what you need is the guidance on how to tackle with such a situation. So, here are the tips on, how to end an abusive relationship.

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Family Structure in China

China has changed greatly in recent years, including the changing of family structure. A traditional Chinese family generally consists of at least two generations of people including husband and wife and children and there universally exists the phenomenon of three generations, four generations and even five generations living under the same roof. A big family is often held in great esteem.

However, along with social progress and epochal change, the size and structure of traditional Chinese families have undergone changes. Small size, simple structure and diversified patterns of families have become the main features of modern Chinese families. Since the introduction of the reform and opening-up policy, to adapt to changes in the mode of social production and the style of life, traditional families of complicated structure and big size have been gradually transformed into families of simple structure and small size. Mr. Guo, a resident living in Beijing, Tianshuiyuan, said, "When I was young, I had a family of 12 members, including my parents, my grandparents, as well as eight brothers and sisters. I was the youngest in my family. Now I have a family of three with only one child." Nowadays, more and more adults are moving out, leaving their elder parents alone. Many young couples now live with their parents not for family tradition, but rather because they cannot afford to buy a house or rent an apartment.

A nationwide survey found that about 23 percent of China's seniors over the age of 65 live by themselves. Another survey conducted in Beijing showed that less than 50 percent old elderly women live with their children. Since more and more elderly have to live alone, homes for the elderly are far from being enough to meet the needs of the elderly.

Family Structure in China

So, if you come to China and find a big family, which maybe is a very rare phenomenon now. You can ask them the reason and know some interesting stories about this family.

Family Structure in China
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