Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Lenore Walker's Cycle of Violence

The "Cycle of Violence" theory of domestic violence was first introduced in the 1970's by researcher and feminist Lenore Walker. She based her theory on interviews conducted with women who had survived abusive relationships.

The goal of the Cycle of Violence theory was to describe and predict the pattern that violent relationships often fall into. Walker identified three phases that these relationships tended to cycle through:

Honeymoon phase: This is where violent relationships often begin. The abuser is charming, caring, gentle and affectionate. He or she may present their victim with gifts, go out of their way to do nice things for them, and generally make their victim feel accepted and loved.

Lenore Walker's Cycle of Violence

Tension building phase: According to Walker, acts of violence are generally preceded by periods of growing unrest within the relationship. The abuser may become increasingly jealous, short tempered or paranoid. The victim will often try to protect his or her self by placating the abuser. Unfortunately, an abusive person's anger is often irrational and therefore cannot be reasonably calmed. In many abusive relationships, there is nothing the victim can do to avoid upsetting their partner.

Acting out phase: This is when things come to a head and the abuser becomes violent. In addition to physical attacks, a batter might use threats, intimidating behavior and emotional abuse to keep his or her victim in line. During this phase, victims are often too frightened to seek out the help they need.

Walker's theory posits that in time the acting out phase will lead back into the honeymoon phase. This emotional manipulation is what makes it so difficult for many victims of abuse to escape the relationship. Batterers can be extremely charming when they want to be. According to Walker, as time goes by the cycle often becomes tighter and tighter, which each phase lasting a short amount of time until the victim either escapes or, tragically, is killed.

This theory has received a fair amount of criticism over the years. Some people believe that Walker's sample size was too small and not diverse enough to provide an accurate portrayal of violent relationships across the country. Other people, based on their own research and experience, do not believe that domestic violence is as predictable as Walker first made it out to be.

Abusers can vary widely in their behavior, motivations and tactics. There are many, many different ways that a person can be manipulated. Some abusers rely mostly on emotional or verbal abuse, rarely if using physical attacks. Others do not cycle through phases of peace, tension and violence in the way that Walker described.

Whether Walker's Cycle of Violence is strictly accurate for every abusive couple, it was still an important study. It shed a light on abusive behavior and suggested why some victims do not leave their abusers.

Lenore Walker's Cycle of Violence
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For more information about leaving an abusive spouse, contact Boca Raton divorce attorneys through Eric Klein.

Joseph Devine

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Friday, November 23, 2012

Domestic Abuse - Identifying Characteristics of a Victim

While abusers may have similar characteristics, the Victim also may have similar characteristics that would identify them as being abused. These characteristics do not in any way denote a complete list of characteristics, but they do offer some guidelines you might want to look for if you suspect abuse in a relationship.

Victims may possess some or all of the following characteristics:

Isolation, a lonely continence or a feeling of being alone, without support or help.

Domestic Abuse - Identifying Characteristics of a Victim

They accept responsibility for the behaviors of others, particularly their abuser.

Feel powerless in their own lives.

Feel embarrassed to admit they are victims of abuse.

Victims may feel powerless to change their situation or protect themselves.

They feel stuck in the life they chose.

A victim may actually feel responsible for their choice to stay in the relationship.

Put the needs of others ahead of their own safety and personal needs.

Experience extremes of stress reactions.

Deny his/her own feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.

Have low self esteem. Believe they can't survive outside the relationship.

Victims of domestic violence may suffer from a variety of physical as well as psychological injuries. Indicators of domestic violence:

Frequent visits to Doctor's office

Many injuries with no reason

Digestive issues

Eating disorders

Psychological distress.

Evidence of sexual assault.

Indication of injury and no explanation.

If you know someone who is a victim of abuse, or you recognize these symptoms, please get help for yourself or the victim. Contact the police. Call a pastor. Contact a Domestic Safety Center and SEEK Help.

Are you looking for more information?

Domestic Abuse - Identifying Characteristics of a Victim
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Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Dream Interpretation - The Meaning of the Fish in Dreams

The fish is a sacred dream symbol. It represents divinity and superiority.

However, only the calm fishes have this symbolic meaning, because the violent ones, like sharks, represent the domination of craziness in the human side of the human conscience due to the invasion of the absurd content existent in the wild side of the human brain.

Domestic red fishes and colored fishes that live in the sea or in rivers, as well as all fishes that are grey, represent the calm and the wisdom of God.

Dream Interpretation - The Meaning of the Fish in Dreams

But what does it exactly mean to see a calm fish in a dream?

Depending on the dream's context and on your biography, the calm and silent fish will indicate that you have to behave like a wise fish, so that you'll keep being near God and never do what is wrong, or that you are already being wise like the fish that never says a word.

The fish's silence is the silence of God before what is evil: the silence of a superior creature, before of a beast.

On the other hand, if you see in a dream that you managed to catch a big fish, this means that you are going to "fish" someone you desire, a treasure from the bottom of the sea, something really special! This is an excellent dream message, and I really hope that you'll see many dreams where you are catching fish or watching them calmly and silently swim.

These are very good dream images, and after them you are going to see many other fascinating dream images and messages, because if you have managed to be like God in certain points of your life, this means that you have evolved and you will certainly evolve much more.

The unconscious mind is your protector and this is why all the dream messages have a protective character. After your first occupation with the meaning of your dreams and the transformation of your personality, you'll see, almost every day, dreams containing future previsions about certain points of your life. The unconscious mind will protect you more, because you'll understand more.

Then you'll observe that the unconscious mind sends you symbolic messages also when you are not sleeping and dreaming, but when you are awake, living. Everything that happens to you and to the people that are close to you have a symbolic meaning that gives you information about the reality where you are.

For example, you are in a restaurant and you are irritated with the waiter's delay. Suddenly, your eyes fall over a ball with red fishes and instead of being nervous with the delay, you become ashamed because you became irritated with such thing. You understand that you simply have to forgive the waiter, and wait with patience, without filling your heart with the poison of revolt.

The fishes in your environment remind you of the superior attitude you should have, eliminating your anger. You'll be always in contact with the unconscious mind, since you'll be always translating the symbolic meaning of everything.

The symbolic language is very interesting, because one word has many meanings. You have first of all to learn how it works on dreams.

You'll see that the meaning of a symbol varies, depending on the dream's context and on the biography of the dreamer, one of the most important parts for the real comprehension of the meaning of a dream, since the dreams we see when we sleep give us information about our own lives, our psyche, our problems, etc. first of all, and then information about other people and everything else. So, the biography of the dreamer is indispensable if we want to properly translate the meaning of a dream.

In the example of the fish, you have seen that there are three different definitions for its meaning:

- Divinity (Calm fish)

- Domination of Craziness (Shark)

- A Treasure (Catching a fish)

The same way, depending on the dreamer's biography, we have other definitions that help us understand the real meaning of each part of the dream for the specific case that we are analyzing.

After evolving you'll understand the meaning of patience, forgiveness, piety and sanctity.

The dream images you'll see will be completely different from the ones you see in the beginning of your occupation with the meaning of your dreams.

You have to learn the dream language... The fish is only one symbol: only one word of a foreign language for you. You have to learn how to immediately translate the dream symbols like me and my students so that you may understand the messages that the wise unconscious mind that produces your dreams is sending you in order to protect you from your wild side.

Learn the dream language with my simplification of the complicated method of dream interpretation discovered by Carl Jung at the end of the last century. My method is dynamic, according to the lifestyle of the twentieth century.

I continued his research, discovering many dream symbols and becoming a real psychiatrist myself, while I was only a writer. I had to deeply study the content of the human brain, human behavior, and the effect of the invasion of the wild side in the human side, while curing many people from serious mental illness for 19 years.

Dream interpretation according to the scientific method is a miraculous solution for the desperate population of our absurd modern civilization, where terrorism, violence, hypocrisy and futility govern.

The wise and saintly unconscious mind will give a definitive end to terrorism, immorality and violence on Earth, transforming our crazy world into a beautiful place, where we'll be able to live peacefully and happily.

The entire human race will learn how to translate their dreams without a doubt now that we have discovered that we have a violent and evil wild side in our own brain that must be transformed into a positive part of our human side, and also, now that we know that we receive precious information and guidance from the wise unconscious mind translating our own dreams.

Dream Interpretation - The Meaning of the Fish in Dreams
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Christina Sponias continued Carl Jung's research into the human psyche, discovering the cure for all mental illnesses, and simplifying the scientific method of dream interpretation that teaches you how to exactly translate the meaning of your dreams, so that you can find health, wisdom and happiness.

Learn more at: http://www.scientificdreaminterpretation.com

Click Here to download a Free Sample of the eBook Dream Interpretation as a Science (86 pages!).

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Friday, November 16, 2012

20 Crazy Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend

Have fun asking your boyfriend these 20 crazy questions!

Even though they are silly, they are definitely "getting to know you" questions. You can learn a lot about your boyfriend by his answers. Listen and you will hear his priorities, passions and goals in his crazy answers.

These perfect questions for couples will spice up your next date. Throw in one of these questions in the next email you send him. They are a fun way to connect with your boyfriend.

20 Crazy Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend

Crazy Questions #1-10:
Question #1:If you had to live out the rest of your life as a famous fictional character, who would you be and why? Question #2:Which one song describes your life the best? Why? Question #3:If you had to be an animal for one week, which animal would you choose to be? And what would you do? Question #4:If money were no object, what would you do for someone in your life? Question #5:If you could be given another talent or ability, what would you want it to be? Question #6:If your life was a book, what would be the title and how would your story end? Question #7:If you were a famous movie star, what types of movies would you star in? Question #8:Let's say you had to lose one of your five senses (sight, hearing, touch, taste, and smell) Which one would you choose? Why? Question #9:If you were invisible for one day and could go anywhere without being detected, where would you go and what would you do? Question #10:What is the craziest gift you ever received from someone?

Crazy Questions #11-20:
Question #11:If today was your last day on Earth and tomorrow aliens were taking you away to travel through space, how would you spend your last day on earth? Question #12:When you were a little kid, what character on TV did you have a crush on? Question #13:If you could trade jobs with anyone else in the world, who would you trade jobs with? Why? Question #14:If you were Barack Obama for one full day, what would you do with your presidential power? Question #15:If you could change one thing about your family, what would you change? Why? Question #16:What is the most embarrassing moment you have ever had in your life? Question #17:If you could invite 10 people to your party and every single one of them would come, which ten people would you have come to your party? Question #18:Describe a vacation you would like to take if money were no object? Question #19:If you were a teacher, what subject would you like to teach? Question #20:If money were no object and you could get plastic surgery to look like anyone in the world, who would you choose to look like? Why?

These crazy questions will add some juice to your next date!

20 Crazy Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend
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Crista Beck is the creator of http://www.love-your-boyfriend.com, an online guide for women devoted to love and relationship advice. Learn new ways to create romantic moments, get boyfriend advice on your relationship problems, and find more questions to ask your boyfriend.

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Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Domestic Battery in Florida - It's Not Like Every Other Crime

Hard Line Approach

As a practicing criminal defense attorney, I often receive calls from individuals who have either been arrested for domestic battery, or from the "victim" of domestic battery calling on behalf of the arrested person. More often than not, if it is the "victim" they tell me that they didn't want the police to actually make an arrest. However, once that call is made to law enforcement regarding a domestic violence incident, usually someone is going to jail. Florida Law specifically states that domestic violence shall be treated as a criminal act rather than a private matter. As a result, during a domestic battery incident, from the very first contact with law enforcement; there is a pro-prosecution mentality even if the alleged victim does not want to cooperate in the prosecution. Obviously, the reasoning behind this position is the State's public interest in "protecting" the victim of domestic battery. In addition to the overall pro-prosecution mentality of law enforcement and the State Attorney's Office, there are additional laws which effectively treat a "domestic violence" case differently than any other crime.

Not Entitled to a Bond Until You Appear Before a Judge

Domestic Battery in Florida - It's Not Like Every Other Crime

Once arrested, unlike most other crimes, you will not be able to post a bond and get out of jail until you appear before a judge. So what that means is that if you are arrested for a domestic violence offense, you will sit in jail until you are your "first appearance" hearing. Here in Pinellas County, for instance, if you are arrested for a felony charge, you will not even get in front of a judge until the afternoon. Often times, as a condition of bond, you are not allowed to have contact with the alleged victim or their place of residence, even if the arrested person owns the residence.

The State Attorney Makes the Decision Whether to Prosecute

Truth be told, the State Attorney makes the decision whether to prosecute a case in every instance. However, in a garden variety crime, such as theft or a simple battery, under most circumstances, if the victim doesn't want the State to prosecute then usually that case is dropped. That is usually NOT the case when it comes to prosecuting domestic battery cases. If the alleged victim does not want the case prosecuted, or is actually refusing to cooperate with the prosecution, if the State Attorney believes there is sufficient evidence to proceed, they will do so.

Serious Consequences and Penalties

Cannot Seal or Expunge a Domestic Violence Case Resolved with a Guilty or No Contest Plea

Like just about everything else involving domestic violence cases, entering a plea to any charge labeled as "domestic violence" carries potentially serious consequences down the road. These consequences may not be readily apparent at the time of the plea. For instance, I have seen as a former prosecutor and now as a defense attorney, people in jail at the "first appearance" hearing after they have spent a night in jail on a simple misdemeanor domestic battery arrest. Perhaps it is their first arrest ever. They are scared; perhaps hungry; have no money with them at that moment, and all they want to do is get out of jail. It is at this point that the judge offers to withhold adjudication and put them on probation. The person is told that they are not convicted. The arrested person changes his plea to the charge and gets out of jail. Well what just happened? That arrest offense will NEVER come off of your record. Under Florida Law, any disposition of a domestic violence case which involves a guilty or no contest plea, even if adjudication is withheld, CANNOT be sealed or expunged. I have had numerous calls from people trying to seal or expunge a case where they were arrested for domestic battery and pled to it without consulting with an attorney only to learn later that this arrest will remain on their record forever. This type of arrest or charge can seriously impact someone looking for employment or for those looking to advance in their current employment.

Stringent Probation Requirements

If you change your plea to an offense involving domestic violence, Florida Law requires that the offender successfully enter into and complete of family violence counseling which usually takes six months to complete. Your sentence may also include provisions such as no contact with the victim, alcohol evaluation and treatment, psychological evaluation and treatment, and restitution.

Jail or Prison

Some instances, depending on the facts alleged or the prior record of the arrested person, may lead to increased jail time or enhanced penalties such as:

If a person is convicted of Domestic Violence with Bodily Harm you are facing a minimum of 5 days in the county jail.

If convicted of Aggravated Domestic Battery, even without any prior criminal record, you are facing a mandatory state prison sentence under the State Criminal Punishment Code and possibly as much as 15 years in prison.

Florida Law states that if a person has a previous conviction for domestic battery, even if there was a withhold of adjudication, a subsequent conviction for an act of domestic battery can be charged as a felony with a maximum penalty of up to 5 years in prison.

Impact on Divorce and Custody Cases

An arrest or conviction for domestic violence can be used to your detriment in a subsequent or pending divorce matter with the alleged victim especially if there are children in the home and they have witnessed the alleged acts of domestic violence.

Impact on the Ownership, Use, or Possession of Firearms

Florida Law requires the suspension of your concealed weapons permit if you are arrested for an act of domestic violence.

FEDERAL LAW prohibits a person convicted of an act of domestic violence from using, owning or possessing a firearm.

Conclusion

Once the phone call is made to law enforcement for a domestic violence case, Florida Law is going to take over and these cases are not taken lightly. If you are arrested for any act of domestic violence you should take it as seriously as the State of Florida.

Domestic Battery in Florida - It's Not Like Every Other Crime
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Joseph Montrone, Jr.

I served the people of Pinellas County, Florida, for six years as a prosecutor and then represented people injured as a result of the negligence of others at Beltz & Ruth P.A. in St. Petersburg, Florida. In 2006, I opened my own practice to provide my client's with hands on personable representation. I strive to apply the more than 14 years of training and experience that I have obtained through my years of practice in Pinellas County and the Tampa Bay Area. Please contact me at 727-538-4155 or through my website at http://www.montronelaw.com/.

Please read my blog at http://montronelaw.wordpress.com/.

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Thursday, November 8, 2012

Various Forms of Domestic Violence - 7 Common Types

An abuse exists when a more powerful person takes advantage of a weaker person; domestic violence is a form of abuse in which a more powerful partner tries to assert control over the other using different means. The following are some of the ways through which one partner may want to exert control over another:

Verbal Abuse - In verbal abuse, language is the weapon of aggression; it is used to hurt the partner through spoken words or in written form including abusive text messages. Verbal abuse aims at damaging a person's self-esteem, self worth and emotional well-being to the extent that it eventually takes a toll on the victim's physical and mental well being. According to Wikipedia, verbal abuse includes scolding, bullying, defaming, defining, trivializing, harassing, interrogating, accusing, blaming, countering, lying, berating, taunting, putting down, discounting, threatening, name-calling, yelling and raging.

Verbal abuse is the most common form of abuse and women are often as guilty as men in this vice. It impairs the dignity as well as reduces the self confidence of the victim thus making him/her easier to control. Verbal abuse creates a negative environment of self doubt, which makes the victim develop an inferiority complex; it usually increases in intensity and may lead to physical assault if left unchecked. A lot of persons who engage in verbal abuse feel inferior in their persons and so try to transmit such feelings to their victims.

Various Forms of Domestic Violence - 7 Common Types

Physical Abuse - This is the most violent form of abuse in which the abuser inflicts pain or injury on the victim through such despicable acts like slapping, kicking, boxing, pulling hair, shoving, biting, choking, beating with belt, hitting and twisting of arms. The abusive incidents may be occasional or regular and may start with verbal altercation that leads to a tension-building phase which results in beating. The assault is often followed by a period of calm during which the abuser feigns remorse and tries to placate the victim. Attitude to physical abuse varies; at the beginning of a misunderstanding, some victims may choose to be quiet so that a fight may be averted while some others may choose to bring on the violence so as to "get it over with."

Physical abuse is commonly perpetrated by male partners against females although there are instances where the female is the aggressor. It is the most degrading form of domestic violence and it costs the State a lot in terms of resources deployed in preventing it. Jane O'Reilly in an article titled Wife Beating: The Silent Crime published in the Time issue of 5th September 1983,page 23 wrote, "Nearly 6 million wives will be abused by their husbands in any one year. Some 2,000 to 4,000 women are beaten to death annually. The nation's police spend one third of their time responding to domestic violence calls." Battery is the single major cause of injury to women more significant than accidents, rapes or muggings.

Emotional or Psychological Abuse - Like the other abuses, it is motivated by urges for power and control. The goal is to systematically diminish the partner to the extent that the partner loses his/her self confidence and now yields his/her self to the control of the partner. A partner may engage in emotionally abusing the mate deliberately or subconsciously and it may go on for a long period or could be periodic. The US Department of Justice defines emotionally abusive traits as including causing fear by intimidation, threatening physical harm to self, partner, children or partner's family or friends, destruction of pets and property, forcing isolation from family, friends, school or work. It may include being yelled/shouted at, spoken to rudely, name calling such as you cow, stupid, liar and rejection. The abuser may choose to treat the mate as a servant, and make all the big decisions without any recourse to him/her.

Psychological abuse is perhaps the most reliable predictor of a partner's likelihood of engaging in physical aggression in marriage.

Economic Abuse - A partner uses economic blockade to gain control of the mate. The man may prevent the wife from seeking gainful employment so that she would be forced to ask for money for her needs. She has to do the husband's bidding or else she would not get any money. Some men collect their wives paycheck or make them operate a common purse which the man controls. He makes the woman believe that submitting her money is an act of submission which Christian marriage demands.

Sexual Abuse - In this form of abuse, the husband reduces the mate to a sex object and would make her do demeaning sexual things that are against her beliefs. Some go to the extent of physically attacking the sexual parts of her body or engaging in extramarital affairs to make her feel sexually unattractive. A man may deny his mate her sexual rights if only to punish her while he meets his sexual needs else where.

Isolation - This form of abuse aims at limiting the mate's access to other persons who are in a position to mitigate the abuse of his/her partner or who can influence him/her to change. The partner does this so that he/she can control what the partner does or monitor his/her activities outside the home. A man with such a motive may cause the family to relocate to a distant place where he can carry out his evil schemes without anyone calling him to order.

Spiritual Abuse - This is a subtle form of abuse in which one partner uses scripture verses to manipulate the other to do his/her bidding. He uses the scripture verse that says women should submit to their husbands to demand unquestioning obedience from the wife without any right to disagree. Such men use their wives shortcomings as sermon topics during family devotions. A mate is denied the basic right to dissent on issues that concern interpretation of scripture all under the pretext that the husband is the head of the home and whatever interpretation he gives to scripture is final. The woman is made to submit to things ordinarily she would not have done all in the name of God.

Various Forms of Domestic Violence - 7 Common Types
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This article was written by Dr Francis Edo Olotu, Physician, Family Counselor, Author, Conference Speaker and host of the Blog Empowering Dads.Email address: empoweringdads@gmail.com Visit his blog http://www.empoweringdads.wordpress.com for a rich diversity of articles on family and health issues.

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Wednesday, November 7, 2012

What Causes Anger?

Anger is a strong emotion of displeasure caused by some type of grievance that is either real or perceived to be real by a person. The cognitive behavior theory attributes anger to several factors such as past experiences, behavior learned from others, genetic predispositions, and a lack of problem-solving ability. To put it more simply, anger is caused by a combination of two factors: an irrational perception of reality ("It has to be done my way") and a low frustration point ("It's my way or no way"). Anger is an internal reaction that is perceived to have a external cause. Angry people almost always blame their reactions on some person or some event, but rarely do they realize that the reason they are angry is because of their irrational perception of the world. Angry people have a certain perception and expectation of the world that they live in and when that reality does not meet their expectation of it, then they become angry.

It is important to understand that not all anger is unhealthy. Anger is one of our most primitive defense mechanisms that protects and motivates us from being dominated or manipulated by others. It gives us the added strength, courage, and motivation needed to combat injustice done against us or to others that we love. However, if anger is left uncontrolled and free to take over the mind and body at any time, then anger becomes destructive.

Why We Need to Control Anger

What Causes Anger?

Just like a person who is under the control of a street drug---a person under the influence of anger cannot rationalize, comprehend, or make good decisions because anger distorts logical reasoning into blind emotion. You become unable to think clearly and your emotions take control of your actions. Physiologically speaking, anger enacts the fight or flight response in our brain, which increases our blood pressure and releases adrenaline into our bloodstream, thereby increasing our strength and pain threshold. Anger makes us think of only two things: (1) Defend, or (2) Attack. Neither of these options facilitates a good negotiation.

Internal Sources of Anger

Our internal sources of anger come from our irrational perceptions of reality. Psychologists have identified four types of thinking that contribute to anger.

1. Emotional reasoning. People who reason emotionally misinterpret normal events and things that other people say as being directly threatening to their needs and goals. People who use emotional reasoning tend to become irritated at something innocent that other people tell them because they perceive it as an attack on themselves. Emotional reasoning can lead to dysfunctional anger in the long run.

2. Low frustration tolerance. All of us at some point have experienced a time where our tolerance for frustration was low. Often stress-related anxiety lowers our tolerance for frustration and we begin to perceive normal things as threats to our well-being or threats to our ego.

3. Unreasonable expectations. When people make demands, they see things as how they should be and not as they really are. This lowers their frustration tolerance because people who have unreasonable expectations expect others to act a certain way, or for uncontrollable events to behave in a predictable manner. When these things do not go their way, then anger, frustration, and eventually depression set in.

4. People-rating. People-rating is an anger-causing type of thinking where the person applies a derogatory label on someone else. By rating someone as a "bitch" or a "bastard," it dehumanizes them and makes it easier for them to become angry at the person.

External Sources Of Anger

There are a hundreds of internal and external events that can make us angry, but given the parameters of a negotiating situation, we can narrow these factors down to four general events.

1. The person makes personal attacks against us. The other side attacks you along with the problem in the form of verbal abuse.

2. The person attacks our ideas. The other side chops down our ideas, opinions, and options.

3. The person threatens our needs. The person threatens to take away a basic need of ours if they do not get their way i.e. "I'll make sure you'll never work in this city again."

4. We get frustrated. Our tolerance level for getting things done might be low or affected by any number of environmental factors in our lives.

Factors That Lower Our Frustration Tolerance

1. Stress / Anxiety. When our stress-level increases, our tolerance for frustration decreases. This is why there are so many domestic disputes and divorces over financial problems.

2. Pain. Physical and emotional pain lowers our frustration tolerance. This is because we are so focused on taking care of our survival needs, that we do not have time for anything or anyone else.

3. Drugs / Alcohol. Drugs and alcohol affect how our brain processes information and can make a person more irritable or bring forward repressed emotions or memories that can trigger anger.

4. Recent irritations. Recent irritations can also be called "having a bad day." It's the little irritations that add up during the course of the day that lower our tolerance for frustration. Recent irritations can be: stepping in a puddle, spilling coffee on your shirt, being late for work, being stuck in a traffic jam, having a flat tire.

Recognizing the Physiological Signs of Anger

By recognizing the physiological signs of anger, we can attune ourselves to know when it is time to take measures to make sure that our level of anger does not get out of control. Here are some symptoms of anger:

1. Unconscious tensing of muscles, especially in the face and neck.

2. Teeth grinding

3. Breathing rate increases dramatically

4. Face turns red and veins start to become visible due to an increase in blood pressure

5. Face turns pale

6. Sweating

7. Feeling hot or cold

8. Shaking in the hands

9. Goosebumps

10. Heart rate increases

11. Adrenaline is released into your system creating a surge of power.

Am I Right to be Angry?

Damn right you are. You have your own perception and expectation of the world that you live in and when the reality that you live in fails to meet your expectations, then yes you have the right to be angry. Afterall, if everyone thought alike, then the world would be a pretty dull place to live. You are going to run into situations that you don't enjoy. You are going to run into people who don't respect your views and ideas. The feeling of anger is totally justified according to your beliefs and so don't repress or deny those feelings.

Having to right to feel angry does not mean that you have the right to lash out in anger by attacking the other person. You can't change the views of other people to conform to your own because, like you, they have their own right to uphold their view of the world. The best thing you can do is recognize your anger and focus it on the problem instead of your counterpart.

Key Points

Being angry or frustrated is just like being under the influence of a drug. It prevents you from rationalizing and thinking logically.

Anger is caused by a combination of an irrational perception of reality and a low frustration point.

Anger is a natural response and you have every right to be angry, but you must learn to keep that anger in check during a negotiation because once you react in any negotiation, then you lose the agreement.

What Causes Anger?
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Tristan J. Loo is an experienced negotiator and an expert in conflict resolution. He uses his law enforcement experience to train others in the prinicples of defusing conflict and reaching agreements. Visit the Street Negotiation website at http://www.streetnegotiation.com or contact tristan at: tristan@streetnegotiation.com

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Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Domestic Violence - 7 Characteristics of an Abuser

Are you being victimized by an abuser? Learn the characteristics of an abuser and escape before the abuse starts.

1. Ridicules, Criticizes, and Condemns

Does your partner ridicule, criticize, and condemn you? Those who put others down to feel better about themselves often resort to other bad behavior to feel better about themselves too. Don't allow anyone to condemn you, ridicule your choices, or criticize who you choose to be. Walk away.

Domestic Violence - 7 Characteristics of an Abuser

2. Anger Management Difficulties

Does your partner have a short fuse? Does your partner anger easily? Those who anger easily, unable to reason through issues and difficulties often resort to abuse to get what they want. If he kicks the door down, how long will it be until he's kicking you?

3. Self-Centered Attitude

Everything in his life is more important than you. He makes sure you know that you really don't count for much, he isn't really interested in you, doesn't even like you very much, but he tolerates you in his life? For what? He chooses anything else over you, and makes certain you know he doesn't value you.

4. Demanding and Possessive

Your partner doesn't like your friends and family, and makes every effort to condemn them every chance he gets. He ridicules your family and friends, condemning and criticizing them, using derogatory terms to describe them and you. He's disrespectful of your time and interests.

5. Controlling

Your partner must know where you are and have access to you at all times, often following you to work, calling you at work and accusing you of having an affair, flirting, or doing things behind his back. He wants to know everything you do, while keeping secrets about his own activities.

6. Immature and Childish

No matter what you do, he doesn't believe you really love him unless you buy him the toys he wants, keep him satisfied, and makes you think it's your fault his life isn't perfect. He blames you and lives by a double standard, expecting you to keep 'rules' that he doesn't follow himself.

7. Irresponsible

Your partner isn't responsible, uses you, doesn't take responsibility for himself. He isn't dependable, may not have a job or keep a job, and nothing is ever his fault. He blames everyone else for his failures. He often blames you for his own emotional reactions and bad behaviors.

Are you in an Abusive Relationship?

Domestic Violence - 7 Characteristics of an Abuser
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You do have choices. Learn how you can escape from an abusive relationship, and live the life you want to live at http://mom4biz.com
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